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Oct 30, 2008 @ 10:52 pm
still competent. there’s a point at which things get a little. sloppy. swampy. I guess I’ve done over 1500 blog posts now. it’s about the same except a little sloppier and sometimes boring, but great overall. it’s not really that sloppy tho. I’ve been very noncommittal in my apartment tonight but I’m now committed, after a period of indecision, to remaining noncommittal. I wasn’t talking about writing, with the sloppy thing. I was talking about something else. what was it. experience in general. there’s a point after which you almost can’t die. I mean, even if you started dying it would take so long that you’d be dead by the time you actually finish. that’s the point at which the sloppiness of your experience gets tacked up by overly precise terms. we ran into each other this afternoon. I was going to get lunch but wasn’t sure where I was going, tho I was standing at a point on the sidewalk where I had to make a decision to go in either of two directions. she asked where I was going and I said I didn’t know, but I was looking at the cosi. which I literally was. it was across the street. she was with her coworker. she told her coworker she was going to hang out with me for a bit. so then we went over to the cosi. but then we left. she didn’t want to be there. she said how about the tune inn. I said ok. so we went to the tune inn and I ordered an omelette (no point to this story) and she didn’t order anything. we both had waters. my omelette came and I started eating it. then she said she was leaving to go back to work and was sorry to leave me there. she left and I kept eating my omelette. then the waitress finally brought my toast and apologized because it was a little burnt. she had turned the burnt side down so I couldn’t really see how burnt it was, so I said it looks fine to me. but it turned out to be pretty burnt. later she brought me another pair of toast that wasn’t burnt, even tho I didn’t ask for it. I could see ESPN on the tv but of course the sound was down on all the tv sets and it was a show that made no sense without sound and there was no captioning. I still watched a little of it. I wished I had a paper but it was no big deal. eventually I finished eating. I ate pretty much everything except the burnt toast and one potato piece that was a bit hard. I got the check and it was $7.70. I put my credit card down and a different waitress came and took it. I put down 10.70 and left. it was very nice out. when I was almost home I thought about how I was walking inexorably homeward even tho part of me knew it was a good day to stay outside longer and walk around more or sit at the park, but it was one of those things where even tho I knew that was best I somehow didn’t believe in that version of things and finished walking home, where I resumed working. Filed under: Uncategorized Comments:
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I just read the story. it made it sound like she left right after I started eating, but really it was about halfway through my eating. not that it’s an issue. just accuracy. I can’t remember a whole lot of what we talked about. we talked about how my work is busy. how my mom is going to try selling insurance. the talking was behavior, moreso than is usually the case. gillian welch playing right now. I want to sing that rock and roll. I remember thinking she looked good, and I remember thinking that she could tell I was thinking that. it’s not hard to tell when someone knows you’re thinking they look good. now, having said that, I don’t want you to think that I’m thinking about how you know I’m thinking you look good. the next time I see you, I mean. this song about elvis is great. not a huge elvis fan, but. I mean, I’m certainly very impressed by the idea of elvis in history. the other day I was listening to this song and thinking about women in the front row screaming at beetles concerts. I’ve never felt that kind of hero worship myself except I guess I do yell sometimes during sporting events, so I guess that’s not so different from screaming at rock stars. I read that stephen merritt thinks there’s no point to live music. he should know better. one of the best shows I ever saw was a magnetic fields show. of course there’s a point to live music. I miss the experiences I used to have going to the warehouse alone before it shut down. some good times there. I’m sure there must be some venue like that somewhere in dc. I could do with dropping in on some music every once in a while. it’s like volunteering. it’s just going to a place and witnessing the place, the indeterminacy in that place, its specificity and whatnot. what is it about w/eb develo/pment lately. I swear there are times when, if not for limitations, I would do it for 36 hours at a time. so I guess it’s a good thing there are physical limitations or else I would just disappear into various things. paragraph break. now I understand what he was talking about. the process of writing involves guesses about what will cause personal anxiety later on to think about having written it. considering anxiety I was. I felt like I got a very good view of my anxiety at that time. I don’t know why, but I felt like, at that time, maybe it was a day or two ago, that I could observe my anxiety very clearly, like a graph on a monitor, but better, because I could see it on me. not that I’m freakishly anxious or even unusually anxious. I’m not in any position to know if I am more or less anxious than the average person. I tend to think I am probably less anxious, because I have sense about things. I guess I’ve never previously announced that I think I have sense about things. I’m laughing for the first time during the writing of this comment. I don’t think I laughed during the writing of the blog post above. anyway I think having sense of things can help to quell anxiety but I guess it could also cause anxiety.
oh I remember I was telling her my neck has been sore and stiff for a month. that it was hard for me to turn around and look behind me at mike mussina on the monitor when she reacted to him being back there. she said my neck was sore because of my bed but I said it’s because I’ve been working very hard, spending a lot of time at my computer. she likes mike mussina and alexander ovechkin.