I made some iced coffee and have begun drinking it. let’s see if it makes me blog.

it is giving me a funny feeling in my head.

I didn’t forget that today is a holiday.

I’m going to go out there, pretty soon. thoughts.

I read MT’s blog after that sentence. she’s in mexico. there was a reading in adams morgan on may 22. it was probably announced at one or more readings I went to. but did not penetrate my inner skull.

I read RS’s blog. I read that wsj article about flarf. I learned things I didn’t know. it was ok.

I read LG’s blog. I saw the back-to-back friday lesters w/ one missing week between.

I looked at IK’s blog. nothing changed there.

I titled this post because I was thinking of some things I’ve missed this year. the barrelhouse reading, one hour photo, post_moot, etc. I miss so much.

I looked at LB’s blog which says something about a performance at the soundry “next weekend” but there are no dates on her posts so I guess “next weekend” already happened but I’m not sure.

I looked at MW’s blog and there is some stuff there about post_moot. I didn’t know there have only been 2 post_moots. I think that’s right. I clicked on the link to the BW summary and semi-read that.

I looked at MB’s blog with its poetry miniisms. I left a comment.

I looked at BD’s blog. bootstrap offer. and if further proof were needed that ladies love outlaws, enter “downs” in the little “Search Uploads” form here.

nothing changed at (k)orea.

I learned that LS passed, at HF’s blog. think I saw a reference to that at RS blog as well.

at JS’s I see the understanding campaign. I don’t understand it yet.

also understanding at JGP’s blog, and ok, maybe I understand somewhat. one word. any word? yes I think so. also 15 seconds of sweatpants…

I see it’s been more than a year since I added a new blog link. I think this means my outer awarenesses have become calcified, ossified or hospitalized.

I’m probably about as calm and content today as I have been in recent months. I’m getting unstuck from emergency mode. I’ve started walking more during the last week. this afternoon I had a little shift related to food. I became more positive about food. grocery shopping didn’t seem daunting. my eating habits have been worse during the last X months than they’ve been since I was a teenager. but I went shopping today and got some good things and made good lunch, and I could see that it’s not unpleasant to go grocery shopping and there are good things that are easy to make.

oh, a couple times recently I’ve had this experience where I step out the front door to go for a walk or to go get something… I get about a half block from here and get this amazing feeling of surprise at the simple fact that I’m able to easily leave my home on foot. doing so doesn’t require a lot of preparations. I don’t have to carry anything except maybe wallet and keys in my pockets.

I just remembered I had a long nap this afternoon. that seems long ago. I don’t remember what sorts of first moves I made following the nap but it transitioned into replacing the phone line and jack.

I’m out back. I wrote all this on the patio. it’s quite buggy out here but nothing has bitten me. occasionally something seems vaguely interested in biting me but I shoo it away and it doesn’t come back. I guess there are no mosquitos out here and these bugs are just bugs. No bites at all. the air is moving a tiny bit. something seemed too interested in me and I slapped it on my shirt.

A pretty good documentary for you, which you can watch in its entirety at this link: The Union: The Business Behind Getting High. It’s also available in Netflix. I watched it last night.

Warning: It contains some bad writing, particularly in the first few minutes. For example: “Marijuana remains as illegal today as it did nearly 70 years ago.”

Also last night I watched the first 15 minutes or so of the original Nightmare on Elm Street. Pretty unwatchable. I had forgotten that in it Johnny Depp makes his screen debut, with large 80s hair.

this is the part of history during the oil spill. it’s a very strange time. daily american life continues but with this backdrop. it frames everything in a nightmarish comedy. it casts us in a comedy. nothing like it has ever happened in america’s history. the closest analogue I can think of is a hostage crisis. something of uncertain length and outcome. something injurious to americans’ sense of identity and power. like, how dare there be a limit to what we can control technologically. columnists from the bush/cheney camp rushed to say it’s obama’s katrina, when really it’s bigger than that. it’s somewhere between katrina and 9/11. the right would certainly prefer for it to be his katrina rather than his 9/11. after all, katrina made bush less powerful, whereas 9/11 gave him limitless power.

it’s certainly no accident obama in his speech characterized the oil spill as “an assault on our shores.” he very intentionally cast it in military terms, and in us-vs.-them terms. something from outside of our unity, invading. if nothing else, such language revealed an awareness in his administration that the event presents a chance to move people. obama wants it to be a teaching moment about energy policy and about regulation generally. about the role of government relative to corporations. but it’s not yet clear who will get to control the narrative, possibly for the rest of his administration. there’s no question that obama’s entire presidency will be about what he does during and with this event, as surely as bush’s was about his response to 9/11. obama’s approval ratings will be about the economy, but the economy won’t affect people’s ideas about who obama is and what his status will be in history. the economy is too amorphous, too without beginning and end. the economy isn’t new.

I put on the CAC. let it take you there.
family just left. we had a cookout. good times in tha cook out. lee perry now, and the central air. a few tightenings of ikea bolts. tell me something good. I like to hear my family talk about what’s happening at the old crusty redneck bars in anne arundel county. pretty much what you’d think.
my sisters endorsed the color of my house, which bizarrely enough means something to me. I had been a little concerned about it. thought it might be too minty. I asked them over and over if they meant their endorsements.

strange, the bugs didn’t bite us.

I didn’t overcook my salmon this time.

old man hands I have.

it was my sisters, mom, oldest sister’s bf, and my oldest nephew.

just for a few, to dry the air.

realized earlier today that I’m a squatter. a survival fetishist. I don’t have a social security number. I’m not paying to live here.

tho did I rally in the night to sweep floors and on.

I missed a spot by the twalette, and was watching a scavenger there. two. one small. I only noticed it after a time watching the larger.

hay pequena tomate.

The Yellowstone megavolcano will strike with the force of one thousand Mt Saint Helenses, burying much of the continent in super-heated ash while plunging the continent and perhaps the world into a centuries-long winter. What is the administration’s plan? What is the administration doing to prevent a massive buildup of magma beneath Yellowstone such as led to the last megavolcanic explosion 640,000 years ago?

I’m going to try more structure today already failing. I’m going to try getting a new bath mat still hope.

I tried to do something. it didn’t work. it’s broken. I tried to get tech support. waiting to see how that goes. probably won’t work out.

I go up the stairs or down the stairs. sometimes turn around after going up and go down. or vice versa.

things about the japanese knotweeds.

fog monster.

it is nice out tho. I could go sit outside. and type over all of this. I may have just done so. you may want to refresh your browser to see if I’ve typed over this since you began reading it. no promises tho.

I have ducks on the pond. A lot of balls in the air. Or on the table. Things on the table. I have a table in the pond. With a pond on it. Everywhere I look, there are ponds. A preponderance.

What I’m trying to say is what I said. Plus, I’m being approached about multiple projects that I would find quite interesting to work on, and it’s just a matter of time before one of them becomes real, probably. Real like, contract followed by income. Contract, work and income. But in the meantime, at least there are ducks on the pond. There is not nothing. There is not no income. There is no income. But there is not nothing.

Not also, I recently made some unspecified gesture, probably on the World Wide Web, toward something like “women” or dating. That’s too strongly worded though.

the pea plants and watermelon plants have now come up.

the heat and sun of the next couple days is probably much needed. soil is too wet right now.

I’m surprised. I expected nothing would happen, that dirt would stay dirt. or that maybe one of the three crops would come up.

soon I’ll construct something for training the bean stalks.